I love sunday mornings...
so this morning I woke up alone. =( but that's ok I guess... ja is on an adventure race - hopefully as we speak - he's running, biking and kayaking.... i'm a bit worried - but he's a survivor and he'll make it - no problem....
so what have I been doin? getting ready for Monday - making signs, creating lessons, organizing myself.... there's a lot to do but the funny thing is that even if I'm not ready I have to be.... when the bell rings - I have to be ready... that's one thing I can't stand about teaching... even if I need five more minutes - I can't get it - I just gotta keep going.... sometimes I wish I worked in an office and that I could take five more minutes or that I could just start when I was ready, drank my coffee, etc. oh well, maybe i'll do that later in life...
another thought has come to mind... i've been thinking a lot about a former student... i found out she passed away last week - and I can't help myself from thinking about her... i've thought about her mom and I've tried to gather up all my memories of her... how do I share my thoughts with her mother - how can I express my deepest sympathies? a card? is that enough? i guess I"ll try and see - but I remember how she acted in front of her mother - an obvious respect for her mom.... i remember her bubbly attitude and her energy for life - but what happens? God takes her away.... but why? it doesn't make sense.... how will her friends deal with this? what will this year look like for them? my heart breaks for them.... they can't graduate together.... i just don't understand...
God says he knew us before we were born and he knows when we will breath our last breath - well then, why was her life cut so short? was she given the opportunity to know Christ? i don't even know..... it scares me and yet I am not more active in my walk with Christ - in my sharing my relationship with Christ with others - it frustrates me that I am so selfish and so wrapped up in my bubble that I cannot risk my pride, my time, my whatever - to share more of Jesus with others. Ahhhh! why am I so sinful - why can't i just change - because once again - it's not about me.... again. =(
i come before the throne and realize - i'm a dork and I need God to change my heart the way he wants to and not the way I want him to. God I hope I learn how to do that more and more each day.
as for my students family- i hope something positive comes out of this -because I just don't understand....
